Birthday Night Out

After being anxious to the point of an upset stomach the big day was here. My birthday night out with friends. We dropped the girls off at my moms after my friend Miki got here. She came from out of town and I was super excited to see her! We met some other friends for dinner. Then we picked up another friend and stopped by Target! I love Target. After that we came home to get ready and a third friend came by so she could ride in our van. We picked up a fourth friend (my husband was awesome to chauffeur us around) and headed to Lux. We hung out there for about an hour. I'm doing a no soda challenge so instead of my usual rum and coke I had a whisky sour. Yum! Then it was off to vertex to dance all night! I had a blast, everyone got along and I laughed so much! I got so many steps in! We went to Jays Diner for some food and finally got home at 4:30am. Good thing I didn't have to work! That's wake up time lol
And this is why I get frustrated with my anxiety. I was making myself physically ill with how anxious I was getting and it's always all for nothing.

Anxiety Sucks

You know what one of the worst things about anxiety is? It's the fact that no matter how much I'm looking forward to do something by the time it arrives I don't want to do it anymore. 

For example, this weekend is my birthday. A few months ago I made plans with a group of friends to go out to a club that I love. My husband is going to drive so no one has to worry about it. Two of the people are crashing it my place. One of them is from out of town and I am so excited to see her. I've been so excited for this. I even bought a new outfit. However, the closer to the date that I get the more knotted my stomach becomes. I feel like I fail at adulting and that my apartment is going to be judged. I'm worried because one of my friends can be judge (not one of the ones coming to my place) and vocal about it. I'm worried that I'm going to have a panic attack while I'm out. And that's just the tip of the anxiety iceberg I'm having today. I'm actually thinking a nice stomach bug could get me out of this whole thing and I can spend my birthday curled up in bed with ginger ale, crackers and books (and maybe even lose a few pounds!) and not worry about it. But then I worry about disappointing everyone. And....now I'm crying over that. I just can't win today. I'm sure I will enjoy myself, but at this moment I'm not.

thank goodness for bland danishes

I'm getting back on track (finally) after going on vacation and subsequently falling in the shower first thing the morning after we got back. Somehow my mind turned I hurt WAY to bad to exercise into "hey this would be a PERFECT time to eat terrible too" Cause, you know, that's perfectly logical. Thanks brain. Now I'm heavier than I've been in a while. I did lose 3.3lbs last week though. Thank you Jessica Smith and your ability to make me want to cry during a 20 minute workout. Yesterday a tray of Danishes came in compliments of a podiatry office. I couldn't resist. I tried a maybe cheese, maybe Apple, maybe custard danish which I though was cheese. It was so bland and tasteless that I'm not really sure what it was. And now 24 hours later I have been able to stay away from the tray. Why can't everything that isn't good for me taste bad no?